Balancing the scale, balancing the well.

I don't want to be another product of self-hate. There's already too many.

Today analyzed my hate.
Because it was spreading rapidly in my cells by the minute.

I find what I think is the cure. Forgiveness and balance.

I told my feet I was sorry for wishing they looked more feminine.
I told my thighs I was sorry for always wishing they were incapable of touching.
I told my hips I was sorry for wishing they were half the size they are.
I told my stomach I was sorry for wishing it was flatter.
I told my arms I was sorry for wishing they were toner.
I told my collar bone I was sorry for wishing it was more apparent.
I told my top lip I was sorry for wishing it was a lot bigger.
I told my skin I was sorry for wishing it was darker.
I told my hair I was sorry for wishing it was lighter.
I told my cheek bones I was sorry for wishing they was more obvious.
I told the bags under my eyes I was sorry for wishing they were dead.
I told my eyes I was sorry for wishing they were lighter.


I don't want to hate. I want to love. I don't want to waste my time, energy, and thoughts on how I wish I looked or feel like I need to look. It's an exhausting journey, and I want to be done travelling on it. This road leads to nowhere.
I want to focus on things that I love and things that inspire me. I don't want to be going through phases where all I care about is how I don't look or do look. I want to be done with this game of comparison because in my head I will never win. When I try so hard to be healthy physically  (dieting), my thoughts become deadly.
I want to be healthy in all areas of my life. I am now seeking out the way to achieve this balance.

It comes like a wave.
My whole body sinking.
It crushes my head like the undertow of the sea, in the form of a kind reminder.
It is reminding me I need to be on the open road.
Young
a
n
d free.










For strangers are my friends.
The road is my home.
The forest is my garden.
The rain is my much needed shower.
The ocean my 35,800 ft deep pool.
The mountains are my cozy new furniture.
The clouds are the pictures hanging in my freshly painted living room.
The rivers are my leaking sinks that will never get fixed.
The wind is my a/c (and I'm constantly changing the thermostat).
The grass is my rug that will always be sufficient. The valleys my quiet place.


Why would I build a building with walls and a roof blocking out of the vastness of the world dancing, moving, and breathing?