ReefheadJoi: January 2012

Food for deep thought

...Why am I still obsessed with Mary-Kate&Ashley?

Earlier this week, I had a good visit with a dear friend. This passage was inspired by her. Here's to you, my curly headed friend.

My scars are deep.
My scars are sensitive.
My hope is deep.
My hope is not sensitive.
My regrets run through my veins.

However, my failures are full of beauty.
They reveal the power of the one who saved my sunless soul.

So I decided something.
I decided to trade my scars & regrets for something great.
All I did was change the way I viewed them.
No longer were they hidden shameful things left in the closet.

They became a map.

They showed the world where I used to live and how
I swam the seven seas, and
walked through many dry deserts, and
ran through cluttered countries to get to my new home now.

I am new.

I was a fish swimming in a sea of self.

The world became mine, and not yours.
Your precious children became ugly to me.
Every thought became a hundred mirrors of myself.
My love became limited, for it was only used on me.
I cared only for myself.
My cares got thrown in a non-recycle bin, because I forgot how to use them properly.
My eyelids would fuse together, causing me to never see the 6,840,507,000 people in the world.

... So I decided to kill myself.
And everyday the suicidal procedure would occur.

I would shut the door.
I would turn up the A/C.
I would close the blinds.
I would dim the lights.
I would curse.
Then I would pray.

T
h
e
n

I would painfully cut out the darkness that engulfed the life in my heart.
I would use a scalpel and roughly slice away at calloused corners.

As I felt my last breath leave my dry cracked lips, a new one would come that wasn't mine.
The transition was as smooth as the rhythm of an ocean.
It belonged to Him, and He relentlessly let me borrow.
This air in my chest was clear and crisp.
Once I walked away from my front door, I would remind myself that because of my death, others shall live today.