Crowds in Opera House

I sit here today typing and then backspacing.
I wish to say something meaningful
I wish to say something to offer you a new perspective
to offer you hope
to offer you something that holds any amount of significance, whether it be big or small as long as there is something in it.

However, I feel like I have nothing to say.
I am not depressed.

I keep asking myself why I haven't written in months.
The answer blank is left empty.
I have time. So, that beautiful excuse of "being busy" does not fly.

Perhaps, I feel that if I am going to say anything on here it must be something worth reading.
Maybe I read over my writings too many times and I am embarrassed of how vulnerable I can be.

... Maybe I am just writing for an audience, and that is the reason I don't.
I want to write for me, and if anyone sees it- may it be by accident.
I don't want listeners in my mind. I don't want human's thoughts of me to be in my mind.

I want to be selfish and write for my soul, not for you.
I don't want to be a show.
I don't want to be a show.

By you. I mean all.

There is a real reason.
I want to find it.

Years later,
Reefheadjoi